it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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