Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
