AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
