yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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