she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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