Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
