I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
