Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
