you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
