My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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