i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
