Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
either way he was missing a nipple.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
