I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
