I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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