Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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