did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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