"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
We named our party play list daddy issues
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
