Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I am one with the molecules
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
