I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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