Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
