It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
