I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
