I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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