So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
