tonight lets celebrate not being married
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
