New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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