Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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