No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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