my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
