it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
