My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
