Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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