People in love make me want to vomit
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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