I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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