Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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