She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
