yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is it penis luge time yet?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
