WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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