so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
