Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
