he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
