Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
