I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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