We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
