so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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