matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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