Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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