the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
