her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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