what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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