i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
