So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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