His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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