I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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